Oi! Kamusta? Long time no hear! hihi. Buhay pa ba ang lahat? Charot. Oo bes, tagal ko nawala sa blog na to. Muntik na kase akong mag give up sa buhay. Naumay ako, baks! Gusto nyo malaman kung bakit? Mga Marites talaga kayo, tigilan nyo ako! Charot again. Ok sige dahil kailangan ko mag post today, kwentuhan ko kayo para maintain lang kachismosahan naten.
I was sick with stress that lead to moderate anxiety. Pretty sure alam nyo na yun kase matatalinong Marites tayo. Kung di nyo alam, mag-Google nalang kayo. Yes bes, I somewhat got sick last year. Dahil sa pandemic? Hmmm, I’m not pointing that as the main reason. I developed this sickness due to consistent feeling of failures…. sa goals, sa relationships. etc. Madaming sumablay sa buhay ko, one after the other. Sumakto lang sa time ng pandemic and all.
As for these personal failures, di ko na idedetalye yun wag kayong chismosang frogs to that extent. But ano ang manifestations sa akin? Constant negative mindset and an overpowering fear of failing again and again. Minsan, I can mask it with petty-pretty things para hindi halata, but sa totoo lang, what I went through made me lose my appetite for life (or most parts of it). The worse part is that nag manifest na sya sa health ko. Irritable ako at very low tolerance on things. I was physically drained always. I was tired in the morning pa lang. There was a point where I got so acidic, that my sweat can stain a towel or white pillow case. I was told na manifestation na daw yun ng sickness. Bes! Dun ko nasabing totohanan na to! Di na to OK.
The Solution: I TOOK A BREAK ON EVERYTHING. Bes, I tried to have a commitment-free life! I stopped making further plans and goals in life. This covered both my personal and work-life!
I had to take a pause on work! If you know me personally, you know what I do for a living. I took a pause from that. Early this year, after completing the necessary paperworks for two projects, I took a pause. I had to give up some upcoming lucrative deals, but ok lang. I needed a break for my peace. Di rin naman nasayang, I referred some projects to a good friend/colleague in Davao, and masaya naman sila. I prepared for this pause financially. To be honest bes, there were months that I was Zero Income, as in Zero, yet the bills kept on coming. Pero again OK lang. I needed to re-align, and these sacrifices go with it.
I cut down my ties with some people. Yes bes, here comes the personal. There are people who do not deserve to have a space in me anymore. I needed to grow and they cannot grow with me. From friends, work-with people to a former special someone, madami din sila pina-tahimik ko, including people with views that are sooo different from mine, I had to silence them for now. Again, this is for my inner peace.
I took a pause fro blogging. Isa din po sa casualty is this blog of mine, kaya nanahimik muna ako for months… until i feel like doing it again, which is what I am working on na now.
My coping Mechanism: Next Blog na yan, bes!! Kwento ko what I have been doing the past months, other than collect and share memes on facebook, which you probably observed. Bitaw bes, I am taking this blog/platform of mine to a personal level. I might make this like a journal na. It’s good to have a sheet to pour my mind out.
For now, I am still healing. Baby steps lang muna tayo. No pressure para di tuluyang mabaliw. ‘Til my next blog! Halong ta =)